Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i now understand why vodka
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
