I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
