I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
