Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
