OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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