Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
