If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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