If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
