i just had sex bonerless
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have aggressive nipples.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
