So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
