I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
