my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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