so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
