Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
