Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
