good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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