you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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