I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
