So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Panties = found
Randomize
