just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
