I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
