Life is so much better after having sex.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
