im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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