There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
