We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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