perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Everything about him screamed your future.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
