Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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