Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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