I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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