i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
