Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
