Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
