The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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