Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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