My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can vaginas get frostbite?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
