you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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