He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
