new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
