i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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