i think my mom watched the whole time
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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