Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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