I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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