My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
