sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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