Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
try to milk me bitch
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
