i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
