hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
