Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
