Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
