A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
