every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Fuck me I smell like cheese
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
