I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
