dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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