My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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