Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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