sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
