I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
